I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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