Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just pee around me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
