First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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