Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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