Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
