Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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