I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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