I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
