she woke up with a sticky ear
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
