Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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