Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
