so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
