well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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