for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
