With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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