We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
