She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
