I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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