I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
