I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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