its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
