Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
