I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
