oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
