Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
