Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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