so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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