apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
