How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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