i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
