Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
