Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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