My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
