wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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