why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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