Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
