is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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