i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
