from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
