Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
