I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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