I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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