yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
