I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
