She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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