we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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