I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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