Can Purell be used as lube?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
