I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
