Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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