martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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