We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
