Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
