Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
