I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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