I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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