I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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