im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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