Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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