I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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