I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
