You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
