Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize