Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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