I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
