the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
